Grandpa Bud

December 3, 2011 marks the day that my Grandpa Bud went to Heaven. His given name was Julius, but everyone called him Bud. He wasn't fond of being called Julius, so he always introduced himself, "My name's Bud. When you've said Bud, you've said it all." We think he got it from an old beer commercial.

Grandpa was a soft-spoken, tender-hearted & kind soul. He had a witty sense of humor and he was a hard working man. He adored my Grandma Ruth. They were married for 67 years. Can you imagine that? That's almost unheard of nowadays... He was the father to my dad, Dave, who went to Heaven on September 11, 2006. And if you know me at all, you know how much of a daddy's girl I am. I miss my Dad every single day. Grandpa was also Dad to my Aunts Carol & Darlene. He also had 9 grandchildren, 24 great-grandchildren, and 2 great-great-grandchildren.

Grandpa was a farmer for many years, but when he was done milking cows he became a custodian for Litchfield High School. He worked there for many years, where all the students also knew him as "Grandpa Bud". He was also a bowler, a dancer, a card player, and a veteran of the U.S. Army.

Grandpa never said anything that wasn't worth saying. When he opened his mouth, he either said something funny or something worth remembering, but he was pretty quiet most of the time. A lot of us could take a lesson from him in that... me included! I think my brother, Jay, is a lot like him in that way.

Things I remember about Grandpa: He always sat in a recliner in the living room, right by the picture window. There was a hexagon shaped end table next to the recliner, and it always had Grandpa's crossword puzzle books on it. He was awesome at crossword puzzles! I always loved when the grown ups went into the kitchen to play pinochle so I might be able to sit in Grandpa's chair. But if he came back in the room, I knew to move because it was HIS chair!

When my family used to spend weekends on the farm, we always got a good home cooked breakfast before church on Sunday morning. Grandma would bustle to-and-fro around the kitchen, but not Grandpa. He always sat in the same chair at the kitchen table and he made the toast. Grandpa Bud made great toast! He made other cool things, too -- lots of needlepoint crafts and picture frames.

Every Easter my brother and I had an epic Easter egg hunt all over the farmhouse. Grandpa & Grandma would fill up tons of plastic eggs with loose change and they'd hide them all around their house. We probably never found more than $5.00 worth of change, but we loved hunting for them so much! And every Summer, we had huge family picnics at the farm.

Grandpa Bud's funeral was yesterday. The Honor Guard paid their respects for the time he spent serving our country by giving him a 21 gun salute. The church service was held at the same church that Jason & I made our vows. Also where he & Grandma made theirs, and my Great-Grandparents, too.

Grandpa was a God-fearing man. He had been a Christian for many years. So I know without a doubt that my Grandpa Bud is in Heaven with Jesus. He was also the first person who ever told Jason that he should be a Pastor, which I think is pretty cool. I know I'm biased, but Jason is a great Pastor!

Yesterday when my cousin, Corey, stood to read the eulogy at Grandpa's funeral, he talked about 2 of Grandpa's favorite sayings:

The first saying: "Not to worry." Grandpa Bud always used to say "Not to worry." This describes his character perfectly. A calm man without worries. It didn't hit me until yesterday how much faith it takes to consistently make a statement like that. "Not to worry." But Jesus said it, too:

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -Matthew 6:34

The second saying: "That's no hill for a climber." Hmmm... can't say I ever actually heard Grandpa say this, but lots of others remembered him saying it. So while we were driving home, Jason & I were talking about what it could mean. I thought it must have something to do with perseverance; to keep on climbing. And that phrase just kept running through my head last night... "That's no hill for a climber." This morning I decided I had to Google it, and I found these song lyrics:

We're always facing battles and it's hard to keep the pace
'Cause Satan never lets up in his fight for winning place,
But I have the Lord to guide me every step along the way,
So when Satan comes against me you can always hear me say

That's no hill for a climber, that's no battle for a child of God.
Satan's already been defeated and the victory's been won.
Jesus won the fight on Calvary when he died for you and me,
Now Satan get behind me 'cause I claim the victory.

Every time I try to do a little something for the Lord,
Satan tries to block my path and keep me from my goal,
But I don't care how high the hills may seem to me today,
I'll take my savior by the hand and he'll help me when I say

That's no hill for a climber, that's no battle for a child of God.
Satan's already been defeated and the victory's been won.
Jesus won the fight on Calvary when he died for you and me,
Now Satan get behind me 'cause I claim the victory.

Oh wow -- I feel like I got one last, incredible lesson from my Grandpa Bud, and it was sent straight from Heaven. You see, my Grandpa knew he was a child of God and that Jesus has already fought & won the battle. And there have been many days when I feel like I'm trying to do something for God and am distracted by His enemy.

Did you know that the road to Calvary is a hill? Yes, Jesus walked UPHILL, carrying his OWN cross, on the way to be crucified for OUR sins. Jesus tells us in Luke 9:23: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me."

Jesus said that to ME! I am a Christian--someone who has chosen to live my life for Jesus. I am to deny myself, and to walk with Jesus UPHILL! Every single day isn't going to be easy. And I'm still going to have battles. But I am a child of God! And I am a climber! And I know Jesus already won my battles & my life at the cross. And yours, too, if you choose to accept Him.

Looking back on Grandpa's personality, his soft-spoken nature, his easy-going attitude, I now know where he got all his strength from: JESUS. Him saying "Not to worry...", him loving us all so well, a whole roomful of people paying their respects with nothing but great things to say about him... all of it. It came from the Holy Spirit living inside him and it came from the way he walked by FAITH.

I may have just found my new favorite saying... "That's no hill for a climber."
Thanks, Grandpa Bud. I will never forget you! 'Til we meet again...

Hurts, Habits & Hang-Ups

So I'm in my bathroom this morning putting on my makeup. I'm in full-blown "applying your mascara so open your mouth really wide" mode (ladies, why do we do this?)... and these 3 words pop into my head: Hurts. Habits. Hang-Ups.

These are the words that we use to describe anyone who should think about attending Crossing Recovery. Anyone is welcome! Anyone with hurts, habits, or hang-ups! YAY!

But then I really started thinking about that word: HURTS. What does it mean?

Does it hurt when you stub your toe? Yes.
Does that pain last a long time? Not so much.

When we talk about hurts at CR, we're talking about more than: "I fell off my tricycle and skinned my knee. Can you please give me a band-aid?". We are talking about hurts that last a long time. Hurts that some people have never talked about with ANYONE before.

In the five years since CR was launched, I have heard stories of hurt that would make your worst nightmare look like a circus in a candy shop on a unicorn. (Sorry, couldn't think of a good analogy to put here...)

Stories like:

· I lost my job, so I seek solace in the bottom of a bottle.

· I lost custody of my kids because of my meth addiction.

· My husband pushed me down a flight of stairs because I said something that pissed him off.

· I’m facing jail time because of another DWI or a possession charge.

· I was just diagnosed with diabetes, or cancer, or heart disease as a direct result of overeating.

· I am losing my house because I gambled all my money away.

· I was so engrossed looking at internet porn trying to find love & connection with people that I have lost every person who cared about me in real life.

· I’m getting divorced because my spouse can’t stand for one more minute to be married to the person I have become.

· I’ve been abused, molested, raped, and thrown away.

And it doesn't end there....

BUT! I've also heard incredible stories of redemption, life change, hope & freedom! And they all come from people who have decided to follow Jesus. HE HEALS THE HURT!

Think about that word again: HURT. Let it sink in.

If you know someone -- or if you are someone -- who needs a way out of the hurt, I urge you to check out a CR meeting sometime! Give it a shot! What can it hurt?

Thoughts about Fasting

This week The Crossing is doing a 7 day fast for The Code of the Samurai. We are praying about what God specifically wants to do with our church. This is Day 4 for me of liquids only. I am currently enjoying (sarcasm) a fruit smoothie (again). So if this blog post seems a little bit rambly & nonsensical, you know why.

When we first started this fast on Sunday, Jason & I had decided to do liquid fast through Wednesday, then start a Daniel Fast of fruits, veggies, seeds & nuts on Thursday. On Tuesday I was SOOOO wishing I could EAT something. Just to chew on something & not drink it through a straw would have been amazing. Then yesterday in Staff Meeting, God talked to me through Pastor Eric, and I felt like He was strongly telling me to keep doing liquids the whole week through because He still had things to tell me. And I also had the thought that if God was already beginning to tell me stuff while I was doing the liquid thing, why would I want to back out & not keep listening? So, I texted Jason & told him I was only doing liquids the whole week through. I almost laughed out loud when he texted back, "Really? Me too."

Then this morning, I woke up & read my Bible. After reading just one chapter, I wrote a 3 page outline for a whole talk I can give at Crossing Recovery. What God was telling me was incredible.

Here's some other random thoughts I had on the drive to work this morning:

• Make a list of specific prayers when you fast. If you are trying to ask God everything you've ever wanted to ask Him in a one week period of time, you aren't going to get any clarity at all. Focus on one or two things to pray about at a time. If God talks to you about those things & gives you understanding about them, pray about something else. But don't pray 5 bajillion things & be all over the place with your prayers.
  
• Read your Bible. Read your Bible. Read your Bible. That is the way God speaks most clearly! Jesus spent 40 days in the desert with NO food & NO water (smoothie fast not so bad now, is it?)! When Satan tempted Him, He used Scripture to overcome it. Excuse my French, but what in the hell (or what from hell) makes you think you can fast & overcome temptation without reading your Bible? If Jesus can't do it, neither can you.

Rambling Sidenote: I woke up at 1 o'clock in the morning last night with the worst heartburn ever. It's from not having any solids in my stomach to absorb the liquid. My immediate thought is that I really COULD switch to Daniel Fast if I wanted to. I could go down to the kitchen & find something "legal" to eat. It WAS after midnight after all. Those thoughts come from the enemy & I had to shout them down with the truth of scripture & prayer.

• And one more: Fasting alone sucks. Fasting with other people rules. That's all.

Food is not my problem

My problem is not food.

It’s not ice cream or French fries or even Chipotle… my problem is that I use food to deal with my emotions. My problem is that I have an unhealthy desire to eat when I’m not hungry. And I would guess any alcoholic or drug addict when you get right down to the core of how they ended up as an addict is that they use their drug of choice to deal with their emotions & that they have unhealthy desires to use. What it all really comes down to is disobedience. God designed our bodies to function a certain way. He created me to need a certain amount of food to operate. The fact that I want more than that, and that I frequently cave in to the cravings is what my problem really is.

This is why I go to Crossing Recovery. I hear a lot of people say they think CR is just for drug addicts & alcoholics, so I just wanted to set the record straight. CR is for anybody with a hurt, habit or hangup. My hangup happens to be my disobedience with food. What is YOUR hangup? What do you need to CHANGE?

How does CR help me?

#1: At CR I learn or am reminded of the fact that I don’t have to stop overeating by my own sheer willpower. I remember that there’s a God who is wiser, bigger, and more powerful than anything I can ever dream of being & that when I tap into HIS will for my life, things get better, and my desire to overeat is lessened. So instead of trying to live by my own willpower, I am living out God’s will. You should try it. It'll change your life.

And #2: I've learned to work the 12 Steps. They help me make better choices. It's crazy awesome having them pop into my head the moment I’m about to make the wrong move. For example, I could be craving (and a craving for me is the biggest moment of temptation…) a McDonald’s breakfast sandwich. And because I’ve been coming to CR I’ll all of a sudden remember (*DING* lightbulb moment) that eating more fast food is just a cycle of insanity. Each time I do it I’m expecting a different result. So I admit that I am powerless over this desire to overeat (which is Step 1)… PLUS the 12 steps have helped me to figure out why I have this desire in the first place, and help me figure out how to deal with emotions other than eating.

Now, why am I telling you all of this? Simple. Because I know there are a whole lot of people out there who need to be reached with the truth of Jesus & the tools of the 12 Steps. The scope of the amount of people that need help with their hurts, habits & hangups is SO MUCH MORE than an alcoholic or a drug addict (although we really want to see them, too!). I want to see a whole bunch of food addicts & sex addicts & gambling addicts & codependents start to make a real change. Crossing Recovery can help them do it.

Monday nights at the Princeton Party House or Thursday nights at the Elk River Crossing campus. 5:30 potluck dinner, 6:00 meeting. Childcare provided. See you there?