Heartbreak. A tadpole story.

A couple of weeks ago, I was standing in the lobby at The Crossing, waiting for church to start. It was about a half an hour or so before the Saturday service was about to start. People were chatting, drinking coffee, getting their kids all checked-in... a totally normal night.

I glanced out the window, to see my daughter, Maddy. Age almost-12. My girly-girl/tomboy rolled into one. She was hiking up her pant legs, standing next to the pond.

"She wouldn't." My brain said to itself.

She kicked off her shoes, one-by-one.

"Oh, I guess she would." Said my brain instead.

I was surprised, but then again, not very. Because even though Maddy likes to wear lip gloss and paint her toenails, she also likes to splash in the minnow bucket. Even though she loves her American Girl doll, she also likes to climb trees, whittle sticks, and play Legos. Know what I mean?

The thing that makes her a tomboy most of all, is that she loves frogs and toads. I mean, she seriously loves them. (And turtles... but that's a post for another day.) She hunts all through the backyard for them. And when she finds one -- oh the joy! She immediately transforms into the most nurturing frog-mama you've ever seen. Only the best empty ice cream pail for her little critters. They need rocks and grass and water, too. Her voice reaches octaves you never hear. "Ooohhh, they're SO CUTE!" she squeals.

She slowly eased herself into the pond, squishing her bare feet into the muddy bottom. Dirty? Yep. Messy? You bet. Smelly? Surely. But she had her eyes on the prize, while I helplessly watched out the window as my clean little girl waded into the pond -- right. before. church.

Tadpoles.

Boom. Right there.

She could see them, and she wanted one.

Laughing, I asked my friend to borrow my "mom voice" to go holler at my kid to get out of the swamp. Maddy came inside on a mission, "Mom! There's tadpoles!! We've gotta get them!"

"What? What are you gonna do with those?"

She didn't even hear me. "What can I put them in, a cup?"

She ran off to retrieve one, while I yelled out, "Go ask your Dad first!"

Long story short, Jason loves his baby girl. So, we went home from church with two tadpoles from the pond out back.

That was two weeks ago.

We got home and Googled "What do tadpoles eat?" and found out they will eat small bugs and lettuce that's been boiled for ten minutes, then chopped up into teeny-tiny pieces. Maddy made a little habitat for them with water and rocks, including bigger rocks that stick up out of the water that the frogs can sit on. You know, once they are actual, real-life frogs. Maddy named them Fire and Water.

The other night, I snapped this picture of them. As you can see, one (Fire) had already turned into a mostly-frog. It was pretty cool to watch this transformation.

Then yesterday morning happened.

I didn't even have to go downstairs to know why my baby girl was sobbing and crying so hard. She was completely distraught, and I knew why right away.

Fire the mostly-frog hadn't made it through the night.

He was upside-down in the water. Belly-up, as it were.

Maddy was heartbroken. She wailed non-words as tears streamed down her cheeks. And all I could do was hug her and tell her I was so sorry and that it was not her fault. Truthfully, I teared up a little, watching her display of sorrow.

We had a little funeral for him yesterday. Our whole family gathered around the (ahem) "resting place", then each of us shared a memory.

"I remember when he sat on the pretty blue rock in your habitat."

"I held him once."

"I remember when he was just a little tadpole."

"I remember the day we brought him home, along with his brother."

We said a prayer, then flushed.

Maddy was still pretty sad off-and-on yesterday. She decided to let the other tadpole go, so Jason helped her release him in the swamp by our house to give him a fighting chance.

I got to thinking about that tadpole-frog yesterday afternoon. It was such a miniscule thing that made such an impact on my daughter's heart. I thought about how her sadness affected me. Admittedly, I wasn't too sad about the almost-frog named Fire, ummm... croaking (excuse the pun). For a while though, I was torn up inside because Maddy was so heartbroken. My heart aches when my child's heart aches. I hated seeing her so distressed.

Did you know? The same is true for our Heavenly Father.

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

God comforts us when we feel sad, yes. But I also got a picture of Him yesterday as a Dad that loves us so much, He feels sad when we do. Truly, I believe He feels for us. I believe His heart goes out to us in the midst of our losses, our rejections, our heartbreaks. Why? Because He is a good Dad.

I believe God grieves with us because He loves us. He doesn't just pat us on the head, condescendingly saying, "There, there. Get over your sadness now."

God sits in the sadness with us, because He knows that sometimes we need Him to. He knows that sometimes, we need a hug. We need someone to tell us it'll be OK. We need to know that when bad things happen to us, it's not always our fault.

Even when our sadness is brought on by what some people would label "miniscule".

That gave me some comfort yesterday, remembering that God loves me like an amazing Dad. Trusting that He cares for me so deeply, He is actually sad when I am sad, even though He already knows the good plans He has for my future.

I hope you feel God's love like that, too. If you don't, let's talk. I want you to know how deeply loved you are! And if, for some reason, you are heartbroken right now -- LOOK UP. God, your good Dad, wants to bring you comfort and help you through it. Remembering that is what got me through the toughest time of my own life.

Your problems are not miniscule to God, because YOU are not miniscule to Him.

You are deeply loved.

Grace On Tap by Eric Dykstra

When I was a little girl, I used to play "library". 

I put check-out cards in all my books & scotch-taped pretend bar codes to the backs of them. I read the books to all my stuffed animals, and even remembered to show them all the pictures. (Y'know... like your kindergarten teacher used to do.)

I love books. I love reading. I love spelling & grammar. I'm a word nerd to the extreme. I even remember getting in trouble for reading ahead in school. (Yes, really. In trouble... for reading?)

Then I grew up and had kids of my own to whom I read countless books. From Dr. Seuss to the Berenstain Bears to Shel Silverstein. 

 

My philosophy is: If you can read, you can learn anything.

BUT THIS. This is the best project I ever got to be a part of. 

 

I didn't write the words, but I got to see them sooner than most. And punctuate them. And spell-check them. And put them in cool-looking fonts.

But none of that matters as much as what the words said. What they were about. GRACE... on tap. Flowing freely from God to me, because of Jesus. Grace that I didn't earn or achieve. Grace that gives me access to my Creator and all the benefits of being a royal daughter of the King of Kings. Grace that I want to give away to other people simply because it profoundly changed me.

At one point, sitting at my kitchen table reading through a rough draft, it hit me all over again: What my Savior did for me on the cross. I got a huge lump in my throat and tears rolled down my cheeks. Emotion overload. Gratitude. Humility. Joy.

Wow, Jesus. You actually thought I was worth all that?

 

Thank you, Pastor Eric Dykstra, for writing the words that I know will change lives. Thank you for the way you explained grace so simply and beautifully in this, your first book. Thank you for the way you teach grace through not only your sermons, but exemplifying grace by the way you live. Thanks for following God's lead when He called you to this. And thanks for allowing me to be a small part of what God is going to do next with Grace On Tap!

Check out Grace On Tap on Facebook to learn more about the book!

 

Check out The Crossing Church on September 7 & 8 for the coinciding teaching series! Each first-time family will receive a free copy of Grace On Tap.

Pancakes & Jesus

When Jason and I were dating, I wanted to be the "ultimate girlfriend", so I decided to make him some homemade pancakes.

I was 20 years old. 

I was in love.

I was NOT the best cook.

Pancakes, though. How hard could that be?

I griddled up the most PERFECT looking pancake you ever saw! It was as big as a plate and a nice toasty, warm, golden brown on both sides. It was even a perfect circle. No weird, lumpy appendages of any sort.

I warmed up the syrup. (You HAVE to warm up the syrup. Pouring cold syrup on a hot pancake is like jumping into a cold hot tub. Just... wrong.)

I served it to him, all smiles. I was so stinkin' proud of that thing. As God is my witness, it was a thing of pure beauty, I'll tell you what. I watched as my dreamy, tall drink of water sunk his fork into it.

...and batter poured out.

As Gordon Ramsay would yell right before kicking a garbage can, "It's bloody RAAAAWWWW!"

So. Lame.

Got me thinking today about what Jesus said in Matthew 23:

“What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs - beautiful on the outside but filled on the inside with dead people’s bones and all sorts of impurity. Outwardly you look like righteous people, but inwardly your hearts are filled with hypocrisy and lawlessness."

OUCH. Those Pharisees were like my pancake. They were so beautiful on the outside. They said the right things, went to the right places, had the right friends, and were, by all appearances, righteous. But on the inside, they were full of nasty, raw, bitter batter.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of people who say they are Christian are like this today. They put on a happy face. They appear to be doing everything right. They judge the ones who don't "do faith" like they do. They have the perfect kids, house, job, church, friends, radio stations, books, language, and look. But on the inside... they're a nasty mess.

Here's the awesome thing: When you bend a knee and ask Jesus to forgive your sins and lead your life, He makes you BRAND NEW! Because He is full of grace, He transforms your life from the inside out. You don't have to pretend to be righteous. Because of Jesus, God sees you as totally righteous.

So, where are you at today? Have you given your life to Jesus, or are you just going through the motions? Have you let His grace transform you, or are you still holding on to the law like the Pharisees were? Jumping through hoops or following all the "faith rules" does not bring transformation. Only Jesus renews.

2 Corinthians 4:16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

I want to invite you to take a chance and come to The Crossing Church in Zimmerman this Sunday. You'll have an opportunity to learn more about the awesome life Jesus offers & take a step of faith through baptism, if you choose. Oh! And we'll be griddling up a ton of pancakes after our 10am service. No worries - I'm a MUCH better cook after 15 years of marriage. Hope to see you then! Be sure you say hello.

Jesus is the way.

Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me." -John 14:6

JESUS. He is the WAY. 

He is the way we are united with our Creator. He bridged the gap - the huge chasm of sin that once separated us from God. Jesus made a way for us to be in a relationship with our Heavenly Father again. He gave His life for it. He is the reason we are UNITED with God.

I got a text last night from a friend asking for prayer. She had been fighting with her husband, temporarily separated from him because of an argument. Jason and I have had those kind of arguments. The kind that divide us for awhile. The kind that seem like a really big deal when you're in the middle of them, but that you can't really remember a couple weeks later. The "what were we arguing about again?" kind of arguments. So I got it. I understood. And I started to pray. (Via text message. Isn't technology wonderful?)

I used the authority Jesus gave me when I accepted Him as my Savior to bind all enemies of Christ from their home. I asked that the Holy Spirit would fill them with His love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). I asked that He would cause all things in their marriage to come together for good so that they could be an effective force in sharing the Good News of the Gospel. I thanked God that He sent His son to stand in the gap for us. And then I asked Him to stand in the gap for my friend and her husband to bridge them back together.

I truly believe that Jesus is the way. Not just the way for us to be in relationship with God, but the way for us to be in relationship with each other. Through Him, we are united. We can forgive. We can heal. We can move forward. Because of Jesus, and for His glory.

Read His prayer in John 17:

Verses 9-11: “My prayer is not for the world, but for those you have given me, because they belong to you. All who are mine belong to you, and you have given them to me, so they bring me glory. Now I am departing from the world; they are staying in this world, but I am coming to you. Holy Father, you have given me your name; now protect them by the power of your name so that they will be united just as we are."

Verses 20-23: “I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message. I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one - as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me. I have given them the glory you gave me, so they may be one as we are one. I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me."

Jesus stood in the gap between you & God. He will stand in the gap between you & whoever you feel separated from right now. If you have a relationship that feels broken right now, put Jesus in the center. He unites us. He brings us together so we can point people toward Him and show the world how good, how caring, how loving He is.

JESUS. He is the WAY.

 

Grandpa Bud

December 3, 2011 marks the day that my Grandpa Bud went to Heaven. His given name was Julius, but everyone called him Bud. He wasn't fond of being called Julius, so he always introduced himself, "My name's Bud. When you've said Bud, you've said it all." We think he got it from an old beer commercial.

Grandpa was a soft-spoken, tender-hearted & kind soul. He had a witty sense of humor and he was a hard working man. He adored my Grandma Ruth. They were married for 67 years. Can you imagine that? That's almost unheard of nowadays... He was the father to my dad, Dave, who went to Heaven on September 11, 2006. And if you know me at all, you know how much of a daddy's girl I am. I miss my Dad every single day. Grandpa was also Dad to my Aunts Carol & Darlene. He also had 9 grandchildren, 24 great-grandchildren, and 2 great-great-grandchildren.

Grandpa was a farmer for many years, but when he was done milking cows he became a custodian for Litchfield High School. He worked there for many years, where all the students also knew him as "Grandpa Bud". He was also a bowler, a dancer, a card player, and a veteran of the U.S. Army.

Grandpa never said anything that wasn't worth saying. When he opened his mouth, he either said something funny or something worth remembering, but he was pretty quiet most of the time. A lot of us could take a lesson from him in that... me included! I think my brother, Jay, is a lot like him in that way.

Things I remember about Grandpa: He always sat in a recliner in the living room, right by the picture window. There was a hexagon shaped end table next to the recliner, and it always had Grandpa's crossword puzzle books on it. He was awesome at crossword puzzles! I always loved when the grown ups went into the kitchen to play pinochle so I might be able to sit in Grandpa's chair. But if he came back in the room, I knew to move because it was HIS chair!

When my family used to spend weekends on the farm, we always got a good home cooked breakfast before church on Sunday morning. Grandma would bustle to-and-fro around the kitchen, but not Grandpa. He always sat in the same chair at the kitchen table and he made the toast. Grandpa Bud made great toast! He made other cool things, too -- lots of needlepoint crafts and picture frames.

Every Easter my brother and I had an epic Easter egg hunt all over the farmhouse. Grandpa & Grandma would fill up tons of plastic eggs with loose change and they'd hide them all around their house. We probably never found more than $5.00 worth of change, but we loved hunting for them so much! And every Summer, we had huge family picnics at the farm.

Grandpa Bud's funeral was yesterday. The Honor Guard paid their respects for the time he spent serving our country by giving him a 21 gun salute. The church service was held at the same church that Jason & I made our vows. Also where he & Grandma made theirs, and my Great-Grandparents, too.

Grandpa was a God-fearing man. He had been a Christian for many years. So I know without a doubt that my Grandpa Bud is in Heaven with Jesus. He was also the first person who ever told Jason that he should be a Pastor, which I think is pretty cool. I know I'm biased, but Jason is a great Pastor!

Yesterday when my cousin, Corey, stood to read the eulogy at Grandpa's funeral, he talked about 2 of Grandpa's favorite sayings:

The first saying: "Not to worry." Grandpa Bud always used to say "Not to worry." This describes his character perfectly. A calm man without worries. It didn't hit me until yesterday how much faith it takes to consistently make a statement like that. "Not to worry." But Jesus said it, too:

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -Matthew 6:34

The second saying: "That's no hill for a climber." Hmmm... can't say I ever actually heard Grandpa say this, but lots of others remembered him saying it. So while we were driving home, Jason & I were talking about what it could mean. I thought it must have something to do with perseverance; to keep on climbing. And that phrase just kept running through my head last night... "That's no hill for a climber." This morning I decided I had to Google it, and I found these song lyrics:

We're always facing battles and it's hard to keep the pace
'Cause Satan never lets up in his fight for winning place,
But I have the Lord to guide me every step along the way,
So when Satan comes against me you can always hear me say

That's no hill for a climber, that's no battle for a child of God.
Satan's already been defeated and the victory's been won.
Jesus won the fight on Calvary when he died for you and me,
Now Satan get behind me 'cause I claim the victory.

Every time I try to do a little something for the Lord,
Satan tries to block my path and keep me from my goal,
But I don't care how high the hills may seem to me today,
I'll take my savior by the hand and he'll help me when I say

That's no hill for a climber, that's no battle for a child of God.
Satan's already been defeated and the victory's been won.
Jesus won the fight on Calvary when he died for you and me,
Now Satan get behind me 'cause I claim the victory.

Oh wow -- I feel like I got one last, incredible lesson from my Grandpa Bud, and it was sent straight from Heaven. You see, my Grandpa knew he was a child of God and that Jesus has already fought & won the battle. And there have been many days when I feel like I'm trying to do something for God and am distracted by His enemy.

Did you know that the road to Calvary is a hill? Yes, Jesus walked UPHILL, carrying his OWN cross, on the way to be crucified for OUR sins. Jesus tells us in Luke 9:23: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me."

Jesus said that to ME! I am a Christian--someone who has chosen to live my life for Jesus. I am to deny myself, and to walk with Jesus UPHILL! Every single day isn't going to be easy. And I'm still going to have battles. But I am a child of God! And I am a climber! And I know Jesus already won my battles & my life at the cross. And yours, too, if you choose to accept Him.

Looking back on Grandpa's personality, his soft-spoken nature, his easy-going attitude, I now know where he got all his strength from: JESUS. Him saying "Not to worry...", him loving us all so well, a whole roomful of people paying their respects with nothing but great things to say about him... all of it. It came from the Holy Spirit living inside him and it came from the way he walked by FAITH.

I may have just found my new favorite saying... "That's no hill for a climber."
Thanks, Grandpa Bud. I will never forget you! 'Til we meet again...

Hurts, Habits & Hang-Ups

So I'm in my bathroom this morning putting on my makeup. I'm in full-blown "applying your mascara so open your mouth really wide" mode (ladies, why do we do this?)... and these 3 words pop into my head: Hurts. Habits. Hang-Ups.

These are the words that we use to describe anyone who should think about attending Crossing Recovery. Anyone is welcome! Anyone with hurts, habits, or hang-ups! YAY!

But then I really started thinking about that word: HURTS. What does it mean?

Does it hurt when you stub your toe? Yes.
Does that pain last a long time? Not so much.

When we talk about hurts at CR, we're talking about more than: "I fell off my tricycle and skinned my knee. Can you please give me a band-aid?". We are talking about hurts that last a long time. Hurts that some people have never talked about with ANYONE before.

In the five years since CR was launched, I have heard stories of hurt that would make your worst nightmare look like a circus in a candy shop on a unicorn. (Sorry, couldn't think of a good analogy to put here...)

Stories like:

· I lost my job, so I seek solace in the bottom of a bottle.

· I lost custody of my kids because of my meth addiction.

· My husband pushed me down a flight of stairs because I said something that pissed him off.

· I’m facing jail time because of another DWI or a possession charge.

· I was just diagnosed with diabetes, or cancer, or heart disease as a direct result of overeating.

· I am losing my house because I gambled all my money away.

· I was so engrossed looking at internet porn trying to find love & connection with people that I have lost every person who cared about me in real life.

· I’m getting divorced because my spouse can’t stand for one more minute to be married to the person I have become.

· I’ve been abused, molested, raped, and thrown away.

And it doesn't end there....

BUT! I've also heard incredible stories of redemption, life change, hope & freedom! And they all come from people who have decided to follow Jesus. HE HEALS THE HURT!

Think about that word again: HURT. Let it sink in.

If you know someone -- or if you are someone -- who needs a way out of the hurt, I urge you to check out a CR meeting sometime! Give it a shot! What can it hurt?

Thoughts about Fasting

This week The Crossing is doing a 7 day fast for The Code of the Samurai. We are praying about what God specifically wants to do with our church. This is Day 4 for me of liquids only. I am currently enjoying (sarcasm) a fruit smoothie (again). So if this blog post seems a little bit rambly & nonsensical, you know why.

When we first started this fast on Sunday, Jason & I had decided to do liquid fast through Wednesday, then start a Daniel Fast of fruits, veggies, seeds & nuts on Thursday. On Tuesday I was SOOOO wishing I could EAT something. Just to chew on something & not drink it through a straw would have been amazing. Then yesterday in Staff Meeting, God talked to me through Pastor Eric, and I felt like He was strongly telling me to keep doing liquids the whole week through because He still had things to tell me. And I also had the thought that if God was already beginning to tell me stuff while I was doing the liquid thing, why would I want to back out & not keep listening? So, I texted Jason & told him I was only doing liquids the whole week through. I almost laughed out loud when he texted back, "Really? Me too."

Then this morning, I woke up & read my Bible. After reading just one chapter, I wrote a 3 page outline for a whole talk I can give at Crossing Recovery. What God was telling me was incredible.

Here's some other random thoughts I had on the drive to work this morning:

• Make a list of specific prayers when you fast. If you are trying to ask God everything you've ever wanted to ask Him in a one week period of time, you aren't going to get any clarity at all. Focus on one or two things to pray about at a time. If God talks to you about those things & gives you understanding about them, pray about something else. But don't pray 5 bajillion things & be all over the place with your prayers.
  
• Read your Bible. Read your Bible. Read your Bible. That is the way God speaks most clearly! Jesus spent 40 days in the desert with NO food & NO water (smoothie fast not so bad now, is it?)! When Satan tempted Him, He used Scripture to overcome it. Excuse my French, but what in the hell (or what from hell) makes you think you can fast & overcome temptation without reading your Bible? If Jesus can't do it, neither can you.

Rambling Sidenote: I woke up at 1 o'clock in the morning last night with the worst heartburn ever. It's from not having any solids in my stomach to absorb the liquid. My immediate thought is that I really COULD switch to Daniel Fast if I wanted to. I could go down to the kitchen & find something "legal" to eat. It WAS after midnight after all. Those thoughts come from the enemy & I had to shout them down with the truth of scripture & prayer.

• And one more: Fasting alone sucks. Fasting with other people rules. That's all.