Hurts, Habits & Hang-Ups

So I'm in my bathroom this morning putting on my makeup. I'm in full-blown "applying your mascara so open your mouth really wide" mode (ladies, why do we do this?)... and these 3 words pop into my head: Hurts. Habits. Hang-Ups.

These are the words that we use to describe anyone who should think about attending Crossing Recovery. Anyone is welcome! Anyone with hurts, habits, or hang-ups! YAY!

But then I really started thinking about that word: HURTS. What does it mean?

Does it hurt when you stub your toe? Yes.
Does that pain last a long time? Not so much.

When we talk about hurts at CR, we're talking about more than: "I fell off my tricycle and skinned my knee. Can you please give me a band-aid?". We are talking about hurts that last a long time. Hurts that some people have never talked about with ANYONE before.

In the five years since CR was launched, I have heard stories of hurt that would make your worst nightmare look like a circus in a candy shop on a unicorn. (Sorry, couldn't think of a good analogy to put here...)

Stories like:

· I lost my job, so I seek solace in the bottom of a bottle.

· I lost custody of my kids because of my meth addiction.

· My husband pushed me down a flight of stairs because I said something that pissed him off.

· I’m facing jail time because of another DWI or a possession charge.

· I was just diagnosed with diabetes, or cancer, or heart disease as a direct result of overeating.

· I am losing my house because I gambled all my money away.

· I was so engrossed looking at internet porn trying to find love & connection with people that I have lost every person who cared about me in real life.

· I’m getting divorced because my spouse can’t stand for one more minute to be married to the person I have become.

· I’ve been abused, molested, raped, and thrown away.

And it doesn't end there....

BUT! I've also heard incredible stories of redemption, life change, hope & freedom! And they all come from people who have decided to follow Jesus. HE HEALS THE HURT!

Think about that word again: HURT. Let it sink in.

If you know someone -- or if you are someone -- who needs a way out of the hurt, I urge you to check out a CR meeting sometime! Give it a shot! What can it hurt?

Thoughts about Fasting

This week The Crossing is doing a 7 day fast for The Code of the Samurai. We are praying about what God specifically wants to do with our church. This is Day 4 for me of liquids only. I am currently enjoying (sarcasm) a fruit smoothie (again). So if this blog post seems a little bit rambly & nonsensical, you know why.

When we first started this fast on Sunday, Jason & I had decided to do liquid fast through Wednesday, then start a Daniel Fast of fruits, veggies, seeds & nuts on Thursday. On Tuesday I was SOOOO wishing I could EAT something. Just to chew on something & not drink it through a straw would have been amazing. Then yesterday in Staff Meeting, God talked to me through Pastor Eric, and I felt like He was strongly telling me to keep doing liquids the whole week through because He still had things to tell me. And I also had the thought that if God was already beginning to tell me stuff while I was doing the liquid thing, why would I want to back out & not keep listening? So, I texted Jason & told him I was only doing liquids the whole week through. I almost laughed out loud when he texted back, "Really? Me too."

Then this morning, I woke up & read my Bible. After reading just one chapter, I wrote a 3 page outline for a whole talk I can give at Crossing Recovery. What God was telling me was incredible.

Here's some other random thoughts I had on the drive to work this morning:

• Make a list of specific prayers when you fast. If you are trying to ask God everything you've ever wanted to ask Him in a one week period of time, you aren't going to get any clarity at all. Focus on one or two things to pray about at a time. If God talks to you about those things & gives you understanding about them, pray about something else. But don't pray 5 bajillion things & be all over the place with your prayers.
  
• Read your Bible. Read your Bible. Read your Bible. That is the way God speaks most clearly! Jesus spent 40 days in the desert with NO food & NO water (smoothie fast not so bad now, is it?)! When Satan tempted Him, He used Scripture to overcome it. Excuse my French, but what in the hell (or what from hell) makes you think you can fast & overcome temptation without reading your Bible? If Jesus can't do it, neither can you.

Rambling Sidenote: I woke up at 1 o'clock in the morning last night with the worst heartburn ever. It's from not having any solids in my stomach to absorb the liquid. My immediate thought is that I really COULD switch to Daniel Fast if I wanted to. I could go down to the kitchen & find something "legal" to eat. It WAS after midnight after all. Those thoughts come from the enemy & I had to shout them down with the truth of scripture & prayer.

• And one more: Fasting alone sucks. Fasting with other people rules. That's all.

Food is not my problem

My problem is not food.

It’s not ice cream or French fries or even Chipotle… my problem is that I use food to deal with my emotions. My problem is that I have an unhealthy desire to eat when I’m not hungry. And I would guess any alcoholic or drug addict when you get right down to the core of how they ended up as an addict is that they use their drug of choice to deal with their emotions & that they have unhealthy desires to use. What it all really comes down to is disobedience. God designed our bodies to function a certain way. He created me to need a certain amount of food to operate. The fact that I want more than that, and that I frequently cave in to the cravings is what my problem really is.

This is why I go to Crossing Recovery. I hear a lot of people say they think CR is just for drug addicts & alcoholics, so I just wanted to set the record straight. CR is for anybody with a hurt, habit or hangup. My hangup happens to be my disobedience with food. What is YOUR hangup? What do you need to CHANGE?

How does CR help me?

#1: At CR I learn or am reminded of the fact that I don’t have to stop overeating by my own sheer willpower. I remember that there’s a God who is wiser, bigger, and more powerful than anything I can ever dream of being & that when I tap into HIS will for my life, things get better, and my desire to overeat is lessened. So instead of trying to live by my own willpower, I am living out God’s will. You should try it. It'll change your life.

And #2: I've learned to work the 12 Steps. They help me make better choices. It's crazy awesome having them pop into my head the moment I’m about to make the wrong move. For example, I could be craving (and a craving for me is the biggest moment of temptation…) a McDonald’s breakfast sandwich. And because I’ve been coming to CR I’ll all of a sudden remember (*DING* lightbulb moment) that eating more fast food is just a cycle of insanity. Each time I do it I’m expecting a different result. So I admit that I am powerless over this desire to overeat (which is Step 1)… PLUS the 12 steps have helped me to figure out why I have this desire in the first place, and help me figure out how to deal with emotions other than eating.

Now, why am I telling you all of this? Simple. Because I know there are a whole lot of people out there who need to be reached with the truth of Jesus & the tools of the 12 Steps. The scope of the amount of people that need help with their hurts, habits & hangups is SO MUCH MORE than an alcoholic or a drug addict (although we really want to see them, too!). I want to see a whole bunch of food addicts & sex addicts & gambling addicts & codependents start to make a real change. Crossing Recovery can help them do it.

Monday nights at the Princeton Party House or Thursday nights at the Elk River Crossing campus. 5:30 potluck dinner, 6:00 meeting. Childcare provided. See you there?

Love & Marriage

Today, Jason had a chance to talk to a friend about some of the marriage problems he & his wife are going through right now. It led us into an awesome discussion about how we've dealt with situations that were less-than-perfect in our own marriage. Every marriage has its ups & downs, and ours is no exception. Now, nothing ever happened to us that was completely earth-shatteringly devastating, but it hasn't always been perfect, either.

First thing I've gotta tell you is: We were not Christians when we got married. We didn't go to church. We weren't praying people. We didn't have any friends who were Jesus followers. Nada. Jason had a church background, but I really didn't so much. So, God just was not the center of our marriage until about 7 years ago. Right now I think we both would say our faith is why our marriage is so strong. We have learned to put our relationship with each other first before any other human relationship. And we learned this principle in church. The Bible has a fully laid-out plan for your life & mine and it tells us the priorities of our relationships. It goes God first, spouse 2nd, kids 3rd, everything else after that. The Bible also tells us we are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. So, God is our glue. He holds us together.

Second thing is this: We have a rule about not giving up on each other. Remember how I told you we haven't always been Christians? Yep. Well, the first 5 or 6 years of our marriage we had more than a few arguments. These fights were always about stupid stuff. Things everyone seems to argue about. Kids, money, chores... junk that doesn't really matter. (I personally think most of those arguments happened in the early years of our marriage because we weren't submitting to one another & both of us cared too much about ourselves to put the other one first.) But here's the deal: We had this rule about not ever bringing up the "D" word (y'know... divorce). Even speaking that word to one another was never allowed. It's just not OK to give up on the person that you're supposed to love the most. I think every marriage should have this rule.

Third: I had an amazing example to follow. My parents were married for 36 years until my dad passed away. I cannot remember ever once seeing my folks fight with one another. They loved each other so unconditionally it is crazy. I was a very rebellious teenager, and I remember one time making a not-so-nice comment to my mom. I thought my dad was gonna go through the roof! Nobody disrespected his wife. Nobody. He adored her, and the whole world knew it. Likewise, mom always told me she didn't keep secrets from dad. See, when I screwed up (which I did a lot), I always told mom first. She wasn't as scary to admit stuff to as dad was. I was always afraid of disappointing him. But I still remember her telling me that anything I ever told her she would tell him. He was her most important human relationship, that much was clear. Growing up in a household with such a strong marriage as an example taught me so much about how to love my husband. And I just have to say, your kids are learning how to love their future spouse by watching you just like I learned by watching my folks. Will your kids have great marriages because of the way they see you treat & love your husband or wife? I hope my kids do!

Lastly, never take your spouse for granted. I thank God every day for bringing Jason into my life. I can't imagine life without him!! If you're married, take some time every day to acknowledge how blessed you are to have someone to walk through life with. A blessing is a gift from God -- treat that person as such.

Just felt like I needed to write this stuff down. Hopefully it'll encourage someone to love the best way they can!

Thoughts about Food & Self-Control

So, I've been making some semblance of progress on this food battle I always seem to be fighting. I've been losing weight -- YAY!!

I think it's because I'm actually paying attention to my body. Before I eat, I ask myself if I'm actually hungry or if I'm eating for another reason. Sounds simple, I know, but when you eat out of boredom or as a reaction to an emotion, you just don't think about the fact that you might not really be hungry because you are only thinking about the immediate gratification the food is going to provide. Plus, you aren't really relying on God to provide the food when you will feel hungry. You are just taking matters into your own hands & giving in to your physical desires. Not to be crass, but it's basically like gratifying yourself sexually instead of waiting for God to provide a spouse for you to get busy with.

I know it seems like it's not really a big deal to eat whenever you feel like it. I mean, you are the one who's going to have to deal with the "weight" of that issue. I mean, if you've got an extra 20 lbs. because of your late-night ice cream habit whose business is it anyway? But, it's so much more than that. It's about the fact that in that moment of eating "just because", I completely lack self-control.

Galatians 5:22 says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control..."

And it goes on to say that I, as a Christ-follower, am to "keep in step with the Spirit".

So, in an effort to keep in step with the Spirit & to live out the part of my faith that includes the fruit of self-control, I am making stronger commitments than I have in a while when it comes to the food thing. I have been cutting down my portions (really, who even NEEDS restaurant-sized portions?), curbing the late-night eating, and I've recommitted myself to the spiritual discipline of fasting once a week. But I think the key is that in being self-controlled I feel closer to God than I have in a long time. And that's a bigger reward than anything the scale could ever tell me.

Here's to keeping in step with the Spirit! Pray for me!

This blog is a little peek into my "quiet time" for the past week. Hopefully it'll help someone as it has helped me.

"...You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy." -Micah 7:18 (NIV)

Read that again. God delights to show mercy. Do you?
I know I don't always jump at the chance to be merciful. In fact, I usually think to myself something along the lines of, "Wow, that person sure is lucky that I'm showing them a little mercy right now. If I wanted to, I could totally rip them a new one." Or, I will "forgive" someone, but never truly let the grudge go.

For example, here's what happened to me yesterday:
Scenario #1:
I went to Office Max. I didn't bother with a cart, just thought I'd make a quick trip in. So, I'm standing at the checkout, juggling an armload of stuff & waiting for the person in front of me. All of a sudden, 'Mr. Rude' comes out of nowhere and totally cuts me off in line! Did I say anything? Nope. I'm merciful, right? Evidently, this "gentlemen" has a busier schedule than me, so I let it go.

Scenario #2:
I follow up my Office Max trip with a stop at the dreaded post office. (I mean, have you ever had to stand in line at the post office? Bleccchhh.) I'm walking in, and this lady comes swooping in from the other direction and scoots her way in front of me without giving me a 2nd glance. Ugh! Twice in one day I get cut off in standing in line within 30 minutes of each other? Grrrrr... Do I say anything to said lady? No. See reason above.

Scenario #3:
I was cut off in traffic by a big freakin' truck while I'm driving in my little Ford Escort 4-cylinder glorified Go-Kart (on a gravel road in a construction zone with my kids in the car, to add a few more things to be pissed about and not-so-merciful).

Am I ever like God, who actually finds it a delight to show mercy? I mean, when you are showing mercy, doesn't that mean someone has wronged you somehow? How can we delight in that? We've all heard the saying "forgive, but not forget", but what if being merciful means you have to completely wipe the "wrongs" from your memory? Maybe you can't forgive until you forget.

Psalm 103:12 says this is how God shows mercy to us: "As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

In other words, He forgets our transgressions! How does He do it? I choose to think it's through a LOVE we cannot comprehend. See, Jesus LOVES us MORE than we can fathom, and He proved it by dying for us.

"It was a perfect sacrifice by a perfect person to perfect some very imperfect people..."
-Hebrews 10:14 (The Message)

God knows we are imperfect. He knows we will fail time & time again, and we will do things without thinking about them, or caring how our actions affect other people. He knows that some days I'm the rude lady at the post office. And He shows me mercy even when I am unmerciful toward others. The next time you run across another imperfect person who needs your forgiveness, maybe you should try doing what God does... and just fuhgeddabouddit.

So I've been thinking a lot lately about the fact that life is short. Probably because I just heard this awesome talk about it during the first week of The Crossing's MIST series. I know I need to get back on track with eating healthy and exercising. It's been too long. Too many excuses. Too many "I'll start tomorrow's". There are things I want to accomplish and, if I'm honest about it, these things are not going to be as easy to do if I remain the way I am right now.

This whole series is based off of this scripture:
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.
-James 4:13-17

OUCH! Did you read what that just said? Anyone who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins. We do not know if we have tomorrow. I don't know the future and neither do you. I want to live my life to the FULLEST while I'm here. That means no more of this waiting-around-being-lazy-waiting-for-my-problem-to-take-care-of-itself stuff. I KNOW the good I ought to do. I'm just not doing it. Until now. I can start right this minute. So can you! Do you know something you ought to be doing that you aren't doing? Maybe you should make a budget. Call someone up and apologize. Forgive someone you're holding a grudge against. Brush your teeth. I don't know what your "thing" is, but I know we've all got a "thing". You aren't guaranteed tomorrow. Don't waste your life, for you are a mist.